Diary of a Dreamer: January 2010

fragile

i want to tell you that i miss you
but the words wont leave my lips
because even if you were here,
i wouldn't want to touch you, kiss you, or even look you in the eye
too afraid that what we have might break,
shatter into a million pieces
which we'd never be able to put back together.


how did we become so fragile?


in this state of existence, that's not really living
treading on each other's hearts
trying not to leave behind any footprints
because it's easier to erase something with no evidence


too fragile.


even wrapped in the layers of fluff we cushion
our words and actions with everyday,
we are just. too.


fragile


and i can't promise to be careful
or gentle enough not to break this.

i'm trying to make moves

life is flowing smoothly, like water down a stream. I'm settled back into life in the Bay Area (California) and I'm loving every bit of it. doing well on the business end (meaning i have a job). i love to work, i don't like to sit still so it's perfect that i have something to occupy my time.


it's really interesting for me to be a non-student this semester. i mean, i need to stop thinking of things in semesters haha. i have to start using months or seasons, like an adult. i was making a signature for my email, and just writing that I am a graduate and have two degrees is still a bit of a shock. am i suppose to consider myself an adult now? because i still feel like a college kid, but without the going-to-school part haha.


but i'm trying to make moves in all the right directions, steps to better myself each day. i want to live in the City (local terminology for San Francisco) so i'm looking into that. even though i'm originally from the Bay, i moved away before i had the opportunity to really experience all the beauty and activities it has to offer. i think living there is the next step i want to take.


the picture above was actually taken in the City, one day when my friend Terell. i'm still working on my photog skills, but he took this picture so i have to give him his credit. i visit the City more often every week so why not make it my home?!

well, i do declare

the question on everyone's mind is: "what are you going to do with your life?" well i don't have the answer to that right now. i don't plan on going back to school (at least not right away). i am living life, experiencing all it has to offer me. that's the most definite my answer can be for the moment, and as things become more concrete i will share the news. so there. lets stop asking me that question, thanks.


on to some things that are more certain. of the following things i am sure:

• i will stop biting my nails officially starting today


• i am restarting my dedication to veganism


• i am training for a 5K race that will be around my birthday (Sept. 29)

yeah so i know i announced on twitter the other day that i was going to stop biting my nails then but i accidentally bit them without thinking about it haha. i'm back on track now though. i just have to actively think about not biting.


next up is the veganism. i am really trying to be dedicated to this. i've been vegan all day today, with the exception of the honey i used on my whole wheat whole grain toast. oh, and the whey protein in my shake this morning. that's it though. so i think i'm doing pretty good. we'll see how the rest of the day goes, night time is usually when i give into weakness



lastly, and something i'm very excited about is training for a 5K race that will take place on Sunday, September 26. i have done some research and the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure seems like the perfect cause to start building toward a full marathon. we lost my great grandmother to breast cancer in 1997, so it is a cause that is close to my heart. i will be posting the link to the fundraiser page as soon as registration is all taken care of, so be on the lookout for that.


i am about to head to the gym right now to doing some race training. oh and in case you're wondering why i'm making such a big deal about a 5K (3.1 mile) race, it's because i am NOT a runner. i mean i usually only run when something is chasing me, and that's pushing it haha. so if i could complete a 3 mile race, i would be so proud of myself!

AMB

studio time

went to the studio with my sis Sarah and my dad last night. anyone who knows about studio time knows it's all about the late night sesh (abbreviation for session). we laid down a track for Sarah and i did some backgrounds for her. it felt so good to be back in there, i was comfortable in a way that i can't be anywhere else. it's not the same feeling as being on stage though.



i really love that particular studio, too. it's beautiful and relaxing, which all help me get into the zone. anyway it was good to get something out, make it tangible. i'm always amazed at how you can build up harmonies, hearing your own voice being stacked upon itself to create an entire atmosphere within the song. i've found that attempting to describe music with words to be very difficult; it can mean something different to each person.



last night's sesh has inspired me to write with more of a ferocity so that i can get back in the booth again. i had forgotten the joy i feel after knocking down a track, being able to listen to the rough cut on the way back home, really just riding to the jam. it wasn't even my song (i just did her backgrounds) but i loved it so much. it's a classic song so there's no way not to love it. i'm not sure when it'll be completely done but i'll keep you updated.

AMB

*oh i'm trying a new thing where i add more pictures to every post. since i have my camera and i'm pretending to be a photog i will have a lot more to choose from

happy birthday Booby!

is this unprecedented for me, 2 posts so close together?! well i just wanted to wish my little brother Booby a happy 15th birthday!!!


we went to dinner tonight, it was a great time being with friends and family. i recently acquired a Sony DSLR camera and i have been experimenting with it for the last 40 minutes. you'll see a few of my attempts in the near future, and hopefully anyone that has tips please send them my way.


well that's it for tonight. i need to get to bed so i can get back on my gym grind tomorrow. i had planned on cycling at 5am but now i'll move that back to 8:30am. goodnight!


AMB

summa summa summa time

heat. hot. sizzling.


all perfect words to describe this summer. and i'm not just talking about temperature! its been a while since my last blog (keeping with my usual trend) but not that much has happened, really. so lets pick up where we left off...


my mom, sis, and aunt came to visit me in Spain, we traveled around and hit up places like Rome and Fez, Morocco. then we came back on June 9th i think and had a bit of downtime. a week or so later the family went to Mississippi while i flew to Texas to get my car and made a road trip from TX to CA. what came next?...oh we went on a family vacation for the 4th of July to Orlando, FL and that was so much fun. we chilled with Mixed Martial Arts fighter James McSweeney and ran into long-time friend Deiondra Sanders at the Universal Studios Theme Park. let me just tell you that Harry Potter land was a.maz.ing. go check it out, seriously.


other than that you are pretty much caught up. i left out things like practicing a little piano and guitar, and working my voice back to its classically-trained days. oh, last night we celebrated my cousin Whitney's birthday in San Francisco and that was a bunch of fun. i'm actually supposed to be at her house right now for lunch but i'm a bit behind schedule haha.


now you're completely caught up, and i have to get out of here before someone calls looking for me. i would promise to keep my blog current, but i don't want to lie to you...

AMB